I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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