I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
