Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
false alarm, still single
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