I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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