i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
