I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
