Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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