Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
