OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
