Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
