I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
