you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
