I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
