I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
