i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
