I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
