I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
