this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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