Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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