Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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