Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
