Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
