No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
