i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
