At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i love accidental penises.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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