you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
