so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
