About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
