Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Buhtt sex?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Never joke about your clitoris.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
