Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
