There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
