I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
