Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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