a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
