There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
