...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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