walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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