I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
