what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just googled if crying burns calories
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
