Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
