Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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