Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
