My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
