You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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