Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
