I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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