i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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