he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
