Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
