I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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