I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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