"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
