Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
