She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
