why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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