Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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