Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
