Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
