I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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