I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
