the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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