Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
