quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
