hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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