You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
