I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
