so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
