the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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