I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
