I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
