Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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