I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Found your dick twin last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
