Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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