No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i've created a new STD.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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