ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
