i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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