and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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