Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
