Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
