Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
