So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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