He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
