"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
